


Before Dawn

by NoizyKorat



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock, LUNA SEA
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Crossdressing, Developing Relationship, Fledglings, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Master & Servant, Multi, Murder Kink, One-Sided Relationship, Presumed Dead, Prostitution, Re-Education, Returning Home, Temporary Character Death, Torture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vampire Sex, Vampire Turning, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:33:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6427771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoizyKorat/pseuds/NoizyKorat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young prostitute is safed from a very dangerous situation by a mysterious stranger.<br/>Waking back up from having blacked out before, he finds himself not only in an unfamiliar place, but also unusually well cared for. Following the rules of the street to never indepth yourself to anyone, he insists on payback, offering up his body, for lack of anything else to give.<br/>A decission he might regrett, as his saviour turns out to be not very altrustic after all for once, and secondly, literally not part of this world.<br/>Before he could truely understand what's going on around him, young Kaoru is dragged deep into abysses he'd neither thought, nor wanted to reach...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of the characters, this is pure fiction, with no offense or infringment and no monetary gain.
> 
> Coping fic, following closely the storyline of an RPG that served as virtual mirror of a very dysfunct relationship.  
> Thus not everything in there might actually make reasonable sense, and the chars might sometimes be rather inconsistant.  
> Anyway, this is a very old work, thus surely quite spotty in plot, and not very eloquently written, with a good dash of spelling errors.  
> Yet maybe someone finds something for themselves to be happy about. Enjoy, and feel free to drop a line.

The clicking of heels echoed along the street. A tall but slim figure was slowly moving through the dim light of the street lamps, down the road, in such an elegant way that you might think it's a woman, but once you looked closer, you could clearly see a pretty, young men with very feminine features. He pulled this thin silken coat tighter around himself, shivering of the eerie and cold atmosphere of his current surroundings. For a moment he slowed down, letting an uncomfortable gaze wander around as if looking for a follower. For a second, his gaze passed a bright and full, almost frighteningly big moon. A faint, dreamy smile appeared on the young mans face, as he went on. This smile though, faded soon and changed to an expression of fear, as he heard footsteps behind himself. In panic he started to walk faster until he broke into a run, just to trip and fall down at a dead end. Quickly he tried heaving himself back up, but only halfway up a punch threw him back to where he had just been. He whimpered and slowly backed away in fear, his big, dark eyes casting a frightened, pleading look at his followers. "Please... no...“ the boys quiet, trembling voice rose. The guys just laughed and one kicked him into his stomach. That seemed to be the "go" for the others and they as well descended upon him, hitting him, ripping his dress. Nobody cared for the boy's tears of shame, his pleadings for mercy, his pained whimper. Suddenly someone else appeared at the open end of the street, slowly approaching the bunch, his wide black leather coat flickering in the cool wind. The gang soon noticed the intruder and the leader turned, eyeing him condescendingly before speaking up "Get the fuck outa here, we got business to do". The stranger moved on, unimpressed, and stated calmly, "This is my street". Only an instant later, a slight whirr filled the air, and the gang leaders head just dropped from his neck. The others looked shocked for a moment, letting go of the boy, but turned to the intruder instantly, taking their fighting positions. Again that whirr in the air, the sounds of flesh being cut, splattering blood and the groaning of the stricken. In only moments, all the others were dead as well, except one, that decided to run away, screaming. The boy had meanwhile recoiled to the wall ending the street and had pulled himself up to flee as well, but he'd broken down again, gasping in pain after only a couple of steps. The stranger turned to him. "You alright kid? “ he asked, his voice just as expressionless as before. "Do I look like that to you?", the boy huffed. "You'll be.", the stranger said, lifting him up into his arms, carrying him away, out of the street. At first, the boy tried to break away, fight the stranger off, but he soon realized that it was no use and he gave up resisting. 'Whatever he's got in mind about me, it can't be worse', was his last thaught before passing out.


	2. To give and to receive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru is very surprised to find his mysterious saviour still present when he comes to, and even more about the strangely attentive way he's treated. He can't quite figure the man out, yet the protocol of what's gotta happen is pretty clear. At least that's what he thinks, but he's in for more surprises than he'd bargained for.

The boy blinked against the brightness of neon light. Immediately a thought echoed in his mind, 'Where am I?'. Slowly he raised his head and took a look around. He was lying in a huge French style bed. The room was tastefully arranged in European style. His gazed continued wandering until it stopped on the breathtakingly beautiful figure of a man, clad in a white bathrobe sitting by the window side, smoking. The boy lay still, just admiring the sight of the beautiful stranger looking outside the window, seemingly without noticing him being awake. "Awake now?", spoke a surprisingly smooth and warm voice, as the stranger turned to face him. In shock the boy sat up, looking a bit surprised, reluctantly giving a slight nod, his eyes cast down. As he did that, he saw that he wasn't in his dress anymore. Someone had put him into another simple, but pretty black dress and he could feel the roughness of gauze against his skin. The boy's eyes rose questioningly to the stranger, who showed a tiny smile. "I took the freedom of treating your wounds and put you into proper clothing as you were still unconscious. I hope you don't mind.", his gaze met the boy's as he continued, "and I figured you'd be hungry, so I ordered some rice for you.". The boy was in a complete loss. Nobody had ever cared for him like that and his modesty forbade him to accept all that. He had nothing to give in return, or did he? Slowly he raised his head, showing a pained smile. "I.. I'll be fine, thank you very much.", said the boy quietly, his voice still trembling a bit. The stranger didn't reply, just rose as there was a knock on the door. He opened and returned with a bowl, setting it down on the small table in the middest of the room. "Don't worry, just eat, I can see you're hungry", the stranger said, pulling out a chair as if to invite his guest to sit down. Since the boy didn't want to anger his host, he slowly rose from the bed, made his way across the room and sat down, eyeing the well filled bowl, then the stranger, who just gave him a slight, encouraging nod. Slowly the boy raised the bowl and began to eat. To his surprise it wasn't just   
the ordinary, over boiled rice he'd usually get, but was well mixed with meat and vegetables. Despite that, he soon had more then enough, setting the still more then half filled bowl back onto the table. "Not used to eat much, huh?", stated the stranger, with a little sigh and shook his head a bit. Biting his lip, the boy sank together in his chair. Now he'd angered the man anyways. "G...gomen nasai...", he gave his apology, with a trembling, fearful voice. The stranger couldn't do anything else but show another, warmer smile and stroke the boys cheek. "It's alright, little one. You should rest a bit, your injuries are no paper cuts.", he tried to calm the boy, but the boy just violently shook his head. Now the stranger's gaze showed a bit of confusion, but before he could say anything, the boy started babbling franticly, "No.. No, I can't. You've already done such a lot for me and I... I have nothing to give you in return.". Suddenly the boy paused and hung his head, continuing in a quiet, ashamed whisper, "Nothing... besides my body.". Then, the boy slowly lifted his head, meeting the stranger's now wide eyes before pressing his small, delicate mouth against the strangers, pulling both of them in direction of the bed, kissing him, desperately, trying to loosen the belt of the strangers bathrobe.


	3. Sweet Sinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru had thought he's got the workings of this odd situation down. More then once did he think that. And each time he'll be proven wrong anew. As he's still trying to figure his ever-changing peer out, they come quite close....

The boy softly pushed the stranger onto the bed and moved to sit on his hips, continuing to unwrap the strangers wonderful body. Suddenly he was pushed back, landing on the bed, just beside the stranger, looking up to him with fearful, questioning eyes. Panting, the stranger sat up, clutching the bathrobe close to his body again, staring somewhere else from his big, seemingly even darker then before, eyes. Then, slowly, his lips parted to speak in a hoarse voice, "You.. shouldn't do that...". Shaking slightly, the boy sunk his head again, a faint blush noticeable on his cheeks. "Did I... do anything wrong?", he asked, awaiting punishment. "Kids like you just shouldn't go to bed with a stranger like that. Aren't you afraid? You don't even know my name, and I could do things to you that you wouldn't want to even imagine", the stranger said, eyeing the boy. The boy wanted to protest, but he chose to remain silent. The only thing he did was to slowly lift his head, whispering sweetly, "Then tell me your name...", pulling the stranger back into his arms for another kiss. The stranger stopped him with a gentle finger on his lips, looking deep into his eyes. "I'm not one for sweet sex, little one", he said warningly. The "little one" smiled faintly, planting little kisses on every fingertip, sucking one a bit. The stranger swallowed, closing his eyes. "Seems like I can't change your mind about it". He paused for a moment to separate the boys legs, causing him fall into the pile of pillows. "Call me Sugizo", he purred. The boy's smile widened and he wrapped his arms around the other's shoulders, pulling him as close as possible. "Kaoru", was the whispered reply to Sugizo's ear before Kaoru's lips were pressing against his neck, reaching his most sensitive spots at ease. This, in combination with the demanding strokes of these small hands broke the resistance of even this, god knows how spoiled man. Without further hesitation he peeled Kaoru out of the dress, following with his eyes, inspecting the pale form in front of him with a satisfied smile. Kaoru rose from the pillows, throwing seductive gazes to Sugizo as he pushed down the bathrobe, conquering the milky flesh of Sugizo's muscular chest with his hot avid lips, sharp teeth and teasing tongue. Sinking onto him and together back onto the mattress, Kaoru's trail went from Sugizo's shoulders, across chest and stomach, down to the hips. Every further centimeter sent hot waves of desire through the both of them, made Sugizo squirm and gasp under Kaoru's exploration, and Kaoru whimper and tremble of excitement and need. Just a couple of moments after Kaoru's hot, wet mouth had wrapped itself around his throbbing manhood, Sugizo pulled Kaoru up and pushed himself into him without any warning. Kaoru gave a scream of both pain and pleasure, eagerly accepting the rock hard flesh penetrating him, pressing against it. Soon the pained undertone in Kaoru's moaning turned into one of pure pleasure. The at first separate movements of them melted into one even pace, like a passionate dance, growing more and more intense with every second flying by. Just as their bodies were starting to tremble of the growing arousal, about to tense up, Sugizo's hoarse, breathless voice reached Kaoru's ears, "You'd be a good little fuck toy.". Kaoru's eyes went wide. All at once every feeling had vanished. His body went lex, head hanging down. Now he just wanted to scream for Sugizo to stop, but he couldn't since he still owed him and this had been his very own suggestion. Sugizo gave a noise of protest, but didn't even think about stopping. Instead, he grabbed Kaoru's hips, adjusting his body to the movements, but the boy just bit his lip and gave no sound. With a slightly angry glimmer in his eyes he looked up to Kaoru, demanding an explanation, "What is it?". "It's nothing. Just go on, do with me what you want.", Kaoru replied, without lifting his head, showing only a slight, brave smile. Now Sugizo's movements as well came to a halt. He pushed Kaoru of himself with a violent shove, throwing a furious glare towards Kaoru, who had crouched on the bed, not even daring to look at him. "I don't want a goddamn doll.", Sugizo hissed with a voice as cold as ice. Then he just turned around and left. Kaoru winced as the door slammed shut. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on his knees.   
What had just happened? Kaoru didn't understand. Sugizo had seemed different to him from all the other people. He'd taken care of him, hadn't he? But why did he say such a thing then? The more Kaoru thought about it, the more he wondered what he'd expected. He'd never known anyone that'd like him, so why should that change all of a sudden? The world's never gonna change.


	4. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Struggling with the aftermath of too high expectations and misunderstandings, Kaoru is trying hard to get a grip on his run-wild emotions, and getting his head wrapped around all the confusion.   
> Yet he decides to be the better man and pledge mutual forgiveness to a fresh start, but his carelessnes brings him into a very dangerous situation and will change his ways irreversably, forever...

It's been hours of crying Kaoru had spent in this completely unfamiliar, elegant room, until he started to realize something. Probably he'd hurt Sugizo in some way. Maybe there really was a gentle, caring personality hidden behind his cool, angry masquerade. Slowly, Kaoru rose from the bed, wiping his eyes, dressing up. Still hesitating Kaoru opened the door. Sugizo was nowhere to see, and the house seemed big. So, what to do? Kaoru decided to just walk around, looking for him, so he started exploring the floor he was on. He was walking and walking, and slowly realized that he was walking around in a circle. For a moment, he stood still, trying to orientate himself. Sugizo's heavy, slightly lavender touched scent, was everywhere, but the closer he got to the door beside the one he walked out of, the stronger became that scent. Doubtfully, Kaoru eyed the door, but he still made himself open it. The room was veiled in darkness. The outlines of a bed were roughly to be made out. Kaoru approached it, and indeed, there was a sleeping form laying on the bed. Even through the absolute darkness of the room, Kaoru could tell, that it was Sugizo. Gently, Kaoru laid a hand on his shoulder, shyly whispering his name, with a voice, that was still trembling of uncertainty. That same moment a jolt ran through the body. Sugizo lifted his head, eyes glowing reddish in the dark, giving a strange, hissing noise. Kaoru shrank back, but it already was too late. Sugizo had pulled him into his direction. Kaoru gave a little scream as he felt teeth piercing his neck. What the heck was that?! Sugizo was sucking his blood! He felt his energy being drained more and more. 'Am I going to die? Is he going to kill me right now?', was the only thing Kaoru could think of right now. Soon, Sugizo had enough and let go of him. Then there was a gasp. "K-Kaoru?!". Kaoru could only stare, wide eyed, at an obviously shocked Sugizo, who seemed like slowly awaking from a kind of trance. "Gods, no! What are you doing here? Kaoru, listen, you can't die now!". A slight shake of head. "Too late...", Kaoru wheezed softly. Sugizo violently shook his head, desperately looking at Kaoru, "No, it never is! Kaoru, do you want to live?". Kaoru didn't have to think. "I... don't want to die now, but neither... continue this live.". Sugizo showed a slight nod. "I can offer you another life. A new life... with me.". Now Kaoru did have to think for a moment, before he nodded hesitantly. Sugizo pulled him into his arms again, and suddenly brought out his claws. Kaoru's eyes widened as Sugizo brought the claws to his own wrist, but before he could say or do anything, Sugizo had already slid his wrist. He pressed his bleeding wrist to Kaoru's mouth and softly said, "Drink.". Kaoru did as he was told. This feeling he had now was completely different from everything he'd felt until now. It was like a hot stream running through him, spreading in his body. As Sugizo wanted to pull his wrist away Kaoru made a grab for it, but Sugizo softly pushed him back down, and said with a firm voice, "Enough. Stay still now.". Suddenly, the heat in Kaoru's body increased. He felt like his body was torn into small pieces. He felt his teeth growing, strengthening, and something unfamiliar developing in his hands and his back. "Sugizo, what is this? What's happening to me?!", he cried out, pained. Sugizo gently held the squirming and shaking body down, showing a sad smile. "You're becoming a vampire, Kaoru."


	5. Another World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the blue, Kaoru is met with the unbelievable news, that he is now a creature, whose existance he had rigurously denied for all his life. His ethical standarts forbid him to do what's needed for survival, adding yet another huge obstacle to his collection of problems yet to solve.   
> Maybe his watchfull master has an idea to solve his debacle though...

The pain was starting to fade slowly. Kaoru sat up, gazing at Sugizo from eyes full of confusion, fear. "A... what?!", he asked, terrified. He couldn't believe what has happened since he entered this room. "A vampire", Sugizo repeated. "No... No, that can't... you're tricking me, right? Things like that... only exist in fantasy!", Kaoru babbled. "Sometimes what humans call 'Fantasy' is more real then what they call 'Reality'", Sugizo said with a smile, that showed a bit of amusement. Kaoru's eyes widened even more, slowly, he backed away, shaking his head in disbelieve and panic. "Calm down, little one, it's not as bad as you might think.", Sugizo sighed. Kaoru winced, "No! It's not real, it's not happening!". "Oh, it's not?", Sugizo stated calmly, "Over there's a mirror, go look at yourself.". Slowly, doubtingly eyeing Sugizo, Kaoru crawled along the wall and from the bed, slowly, walking up to the mirror. Suddenly, the room was enlightened by neon light, his dress was falling to the floor and he could see his reflection. All of a sudden he wasn't the shy, way too thin boy anymore, that could only impress with his masquerade. Now he'd turned into beauty full, young men with a tall, well defined, slightly muscular body, and such a pretty featured face, that he could easily put every woman to shame, framed by shiny, soft, purple colored hair, matching so perfectly with his immaculate and pale porcelain skin. Beautiful, black feathered wings extended from his back, slim silver colored claws slid out from the back of his hands and as he opened his mouth to let out a surprised gasp, he could see blindingly white, pointed teeth peek out. He took a step closer to the mirror, reverently running his fingertips along the cold, smooth surface and whispered softly, "This must be a dream...". Suddenly he felt Sugizo's hand on his shoulder. Somehow he wasn't even afraid of that now, even though he didn't even notice him, standing so close to him. He turned to see him smiling proudly and heard him say, "Come on, I think it's time for your first hunting.". Kaoru's face showed a bit of worry and uncertainty, but he nodded, turning his back to the mirror. Sugizo led him back into the other room. "This will be your room. Open the closet, there will be enough clothing, choose something. I'll be waiting outside.". This should all belong to him? Kaoru opened the closet and gasped, "But I... never had such... wonderful dresses.". Sugizo, who was about to leave, turned. "Don't hesitate, it's yours.", he said and closed the door behind himself. Kaoru stood there for a while, admiring the beautiful, expensive dresses in the closet. Then he chose a classical, dress with a flared skirt and puff sleeves. He spotted a pair of knee-hight plateau boots, put them on and vanished into the bathroom. There he found some hair ornaments and a little case full of makeup. He pinned up his hair, except of a few strands and put on his usual, kinda heavy makeup. As the stepped out into corridor, Sugizo stood there, waiting, his long, red hair open, wearing leather hot pants, thigh-hight boots and a leather vest under his long leathern coat. As Sugizo heard him come, he threw only one gaze at him. Something like a shadow passed his eyes and he quickly turned again, "Come on, it'll soon be dawning.", he mumbled, and lead Kaoru down a staircase, into a kind of bar. There was a counter with a lot of bottles visible, obviously containing alcohol, wealthy looking males sitting around, gazing at the dressed up, feminine figures moving through the room, throwing 'come-to-bed'-gazes around, sometimes even touching them. Kaoru's eyes widened, and he stopped for a moment. So Sugizo was one of them anyways. Even though he was used to it, and already suspected something like that, he still was shocked to find out that it actually was true indeed. Sugizo grabbed his hand and tugged him out into the night. They quietly walked side by side for quite a while. Kaoru wanted to say something, but he didn't know how to, and somehow he was afraid to break the silence between them. "Kaoru, don't you trust me?". Kaoru winced. How could he know that? "How do you get this idea?", he dodged the question. "Because you're not telling me what's on your mind.", Sugizo replied calmly. Kaoru hung his head, "Gomen nasai, I... I... was just wondering... why you're still.. helping me... even though I don't have anything". "You're thinking I'll make you a prostitute again". Kaoru bit his lip. "No... I... I didn't mean to...", he tried to explain, but Sugizo cut him off, "Well, would you want to work for me?". Kaoru had expected this question, but still his heart skipped a beat at the thought of it. "It's the only way to show my gratitude.", Kaoru said, a bit of shame audible on his voice. Sugizo's face showed no reaction like before. "I don't think I said that. It's your own choice. You can leave and live on your own or you can stay and work for me.", there he paused a moment and met Kaoru's eyes, "But you could also be there for only me". Seeing the surprise in Kaoru's eyes, Sugizo felt the need to explain a bit further. "Yes, even people like me are lonely, and my former partner died recently", Sugizo mumbled. Kaoru's eyes showed understanding and a bit of sadness. He softly squeezed Sugizo's hand, "I'm sorry", he said softly. Sugizo shook his head. "It's alright, one shouldn't stick to the past", and tried a little smile, "I shall grant you some time to think about it". Kaoru nodded thoughtfully and walked in silence for the rest of the way. They soon arrived in an old, slightly feral park. Kaoru took a look around. What should they do here where it seemed as if they were completely by themselves. Sugizo let go of Kaoru's hand and looked at him. "What would like to have?", he asked plainly. Kaoru looked at him questioning. What did he mean? Sugizo gave a little sigh, "For dinner. Men, women, old, young?". Kaoru blushed and bowed his head a bit. "Could I... have a young man?", he mumbled, obviously in a bit of discomfort. "Wait here.", Sugizo said, and vanished. A few minutes later Sugizo returned with two young men, who were trying to break free of his grip. He tossed one into Kaoru's arms. "Tuck in", he called, grinning oddly, sinking his teeth into his victim's neck. Kaoru stared horrified at what he saw, and felt nausea well up. As he was finished Sugizo simply dropped the corpse and looked towards Kaoru who still stood there, stunned. "What is it? Not good enough?", he asked with a bit of skepticism. Kaoru shook his head and cast his eyes down, "I just... can't do this", he said, letting go of the man. Sugizo caught the man, as he tried to run away and held him firmly on the wrist. He put a finger under Kaoru's chin and softly lifted it, looking at him. "Look, there's nothing wrong about it. This is our way of surviving. Animals eat other animals to survive, humans eat animals to survive, and vampires eat humans to survive. To eat or to be eaten. This is the natural circulation. Nobody can change it. Do you understand?". Kaoru nodded. Sugizo smiled a bit, "Good boy. Now eat up, alright?". He softly pressed the man into Kaoru's arms and watched him closing his eyes and slowly sinking his teeth into him, sucking. Kaoru had to suppress coughing. Every sip made him feel even more sick. Hoping it to be over soon, he became more and more hasty, until he couldn't bear it anymore and pushed the corpse away. He sank to the floor, coughing, retching, wiping tears from his eyes. Sugizo sighed once again, slightly annoyed. He walked up to Kaoru and lifted him up into his arms. He carried him back to the brothel and into his room, laying him down on the bed. He remained sitting beside him for a few minutes looking at him, softly pushing a stray strand from Kaoru's pretty face. Then he stood up and said gently, but with a firm overtone, "Next time, take it more slowly. If you need anything, I'm next door." and closed the door behind him. Kaoru indicated a nod and relaxed as soon as the door was shut. He closed his eyes and let the whole 'day' drift past once again. He had a lot to think about.


	6. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One might think it to be a mistake to repeat one's mistakes, but Kaoru's luck seems to change. From a very awkward moment developes yet unknown passion and a very important promise shared takes his still fresh relationship with Sugizo to a whole new level.

t was about noon, and Sugizo was laying in his bed, dozing, as he heard the door softly being opened and closed. A little smile appeared on his face hearing Kaoru's little feet pad over the floor, the rustling of the blanket and felt his warm body nestle against his own. Kaoru soon was fast asleep again, and Sugizo took that opportunity to lay his own arms on Kaoru's before falling asleep himself.  
A couple of hours later Sugizo awakened to the feeling of delicate hands reverentially scanning his body. Obviously Kaoru thought he was still asleep. Hiding an amused smile, Sugizo mumbled Kaoru's name with a consciously put, lurking undertone, letting the poor boy freeze in shock. "Go-Gomen nasai", was the stammered reply, followed by a try of drawing back his hands, but Sugizo caught them, turning himself around to grin at a flushed, confused Kaoru. "If there's anything you want you just have to say so", Sugizo said emboldening. Kaoru cast his eyes down. He just couldn't look at him while saying what he meant to. " I...just wanted to be with you...", Kaoru said softly, pausing for a moment to take a deep look up into Sugizo's eyes, "I thought about what you'd told me, and I've come to a decision.". Kaoru had to stop again. Why was this so hard to say? He took a deep breath and cast his eyes back down, nervously chewing his lips, continuing in a whisper, "If you still want it... I'll... be yours". A faint smile appeared on Sugizo's face, hearing this last sentence. He gently lifted Kaoru's chin to read the expression in his beautiful, dark eyes. What he saw was uncertainness, confusion, still a bit of fear, but mostly hope. There was no need for any words as their lips met, caressing one other, slightly parting to let tongue tips peek out. The kiss deepened and deepened until there was no more space between the two bodies, pressing and rubbing against each other demandingly. Their first regular, steady and deep breathing was turning into breathless panting. Hands were on the tramp, massaging and fondling their opponent body, fingers were rudely inspecting every curve, every little piece of skin, stroking, scratching. The two heated, needy bodies were desperately clutching to each other, wallowing around franticly, tugging madly at the disturbing cloth remaining, to soon have their smooth, hot skin quiver under seductive licking, greedy sucking, gentle bites and kisses. Their desire for each other became more and more overwhelming. As Sugizo was on top of him, Kaoru clasped his legs around Sugizo's hip, invitingly nuzzling his tight opening against the tip of Sugizo's erection. A wheeze from Sugizo's mouth was the answer, slightly muffled by Kaoru's flesh between his lips. Sugizo lifted himself from Kaoru's chest, locking their eyes, retorting the pressure. A slight, agreeing nod and Kaoru gave a loud groan as he accepted Sugizo's massive erection, lifting his hip, meeting Sugizo's in a hard impact. Their movements grew more rough and rapid, the room was filled with the sounds of feverish panting and passionate moaning that grew louder and louder. Kaoru was clutching tightly to Sugizo's shoulders, his moaning slowly turning into ecstatic cries the nearer he got to orgasm. His whole body tensed up, tightening relentlessly around Sugizo as he reared up, crying out aloud. Feeling Kaoru's hot, pulsating walls enclose him even more tightly sent Sugizo over the edge as well, and he came with a muffled scream of ecstasy, clutching the sheets, tightly. Kaoru gave an excited whimper, pressing up against Sugizo once more as he felt the hot fluid being spilled inside him. Then the two sank back onto the bed, snuggling against each other, enjoying the aftermath, slowly catching their breath again. Once they've calmed down again the sun had already set. It was time for them to rise and take care of other affairs.


	7. Chains of past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugizo has to learn, that his devoted pupil is still very much at war with himself, and the necessary deeds, but the experienced vampire has just the right idea how to make things easier. The things he learns about his young lover in that stride take a toll on him too though, even if he hides it behind the ruthlessnes that has been his nature for so long.

It was long after midnight as Sugizo and Kaoru had returned from hunting. This time though Kaoru had insisted on hunting by himself. At first Sugizo hadn't been very pleased about letting his almost newborn child do something this dangerous all alone, but he had no chance of resisting Kaoru's pleading eyes. As they met again after being done and he could see that Kaoru was well, he was somehow even proud of his fast development. Though he didn't know that Kaoru actually hadn't hunted at all. The only thing Kaoru had done the whole time was to sit near their meeting point, waiting for Sugizo to show up. He just couldn't kill humans. 'I no longer have the right to live and so even less to kill those that still can live. I should rather die myself.', he'd thought.   
Now, as they were back in Sugizo's room Kaoru stood in front of the mirror, tugging the ornaments from his hair. Sugizo sat on the bed, watching him thoughtfully. "Kaoru?", "Hmh?", "Tell me about it". Kaoru's hand, halfway up to the his hair sank back and he turned around, looking at Sugizo questioningly. "About what?", "Your life". Kaoru's mouth opened a bit and for a moment there was the reflection of something like pain showing in his eyes. He quickly turned around again, continuing to furiously tug at his hair. "There's nothing worth telling about it", he tried to say as calm as possible, but the tremor in his voice was too obvious. A soft sigh passed Sugizo's lips before he suddenly stood behind Kaoru, hugging him from behind, beaming the both of them on the bed, keeping him in his arms. Usually Kaoru would've been frightened about things like beaming and would cuddle against Sugizo straight away, but now he lay in his lovers arms like a corpse, staring to the ceiling uncommitted. Hugging him closer, Sugizo gently turned Kaoru's face to him, stroking his cheek, looking deep into his eyes, which though remained unfocused, unmoved. "What did they do to you", he asked, softly, pausing for a moment to observe the reaction but there was none, "The usual? Blow jobs, liking, fucking?". Now Kaoru's eyes moved to the wall and it looked as if a shadow passed his face. "You wouldn't want to know", was Kaoru's calm, a bit chilled reply. "Look at me if I'm talking to you", Sugizo said, a bit warningly. Unwillingly Kaoru's eyes met his. "Why would I ask if I didn't want to know?", Sugizo asked a little sharply, holding his eyes.   
Kaoru gave up. Sugizo was right, he had no reason of pretending pity. "If it was only that I'd gave been glad...", Kaoru mumbled. He still felt uncomfortable talking about this, but he felt he could trust Sugizo. It was probably better to finally get it over with. He needed to forget to be able to start a new life and Sugizo gave him the strength to do so. Kaoru told Sugizo everything. All about the circumstances he had to live in, about the organized rapes, the sick games and treatments he was forced into, the beatings he'd receive whether he dared to speak up, didn't do as wanted or didn't collect enough money. From the moment Kaoru had started talking Sugizo's expression was changing constantly. Curiosity and suspicion turned into dismay, incomprehension, even a little compassion until there was no more then pure anger. Kaoru stopped talking irritated, as he noticed. Sugizo's features were hard, lips thin, slightly trembling, eyes flashing madly. His eyes met Kaoru in an almost hypnotic gaze. "Are you a real vampire Kaoru?". Sugizo's voice was unusually deep and pressing. A second of hesitation and Kaoru nodded. "Then you must kill them", Sugizo hissed to his ear, eyes twinkling eerily. Kaoru's eyes widened. How could he demand such a thing? Killing is a serious sin, a crime, no matter of which reason. "A vampire always kills his foe", Sugizo urged on, "We never forget, so neither we forgive". "Bu..But I don't know any of them", Kaoru tried protesting as he suddenly remembered something. "None but one", he added quietly. A spark passed Sugizo's eyes and a malicious grin spread on his face. He grabbed Kaoru's wrist and they found themselves outside in the streets again. "Well, then let's pay this guy a visit", Sugizo growled, walking on. Kaoru walked a few steps after Sugizo, deeply in thoughts. "Tell me about him", Sugizo's voice made him snap out of his little world. Kaoru bit his lips. "His.. name is Taiji... he... was my pimp...", Kaoru murmured, but that wasn't enough for Sugizo, he demanded more information. Even though Kaoru felt driven into a corner he went on talking. "He had.. a little apartment.. in the most rotten red light district.. of the town.", Kaoru spoke between his teeth, his voice throaty with disgust, "He treated me... like a slave.. a dog...", he had to take a deep breath, "I wasn't allowed to talk... had to sleep... on the bare floor.. naked... and I got only his leftovers to eat.. from a metal bowl... I... was not allowed... to shower... if I needed to wash... I had to... go outside with a bowl of cold water... and curd soup... no towels... I was given.. the hand me down clothing.. of his... more successful whores... it was just so.. disgusting.. I...". Sugizo silenced him by yanking him to himself, pressing a hard, demanding kiss to his lips. "This is your chance of revenge. Bring me to him", Sugizo said as the kiss had ended. Kaoru only nodded and led him into the ghettos. He walked straight to a block, a couple of stairs up until he stopped in front of a door, pressing the bell. Unnerved growling was audible from inside and it took a while until the door was opened by a tall, solid man, only dressed in threadbare jeans, his long, slightly matted, blonde hair bound to a pigtail, inspecting his two visitors with an annoyed expression. "Watchable want?", he asked boldly, his yaw dropping for a moment as he recognized Kaoru just then before his face turned into mask of anger. "What the fuck ya doin' here you ungrateful filthy bitch? And who the heck is this sucker over there, huh? ya new personal dildo, or what?", he sneered. Sugizo's features went hard, his arm rose. Just in time before the claws would've become visible, Kaoru led a hand on Sugizo's, gently pressing it down, gasping for a moment even though his face showed no reaction as the tips of the claws pierced his palm. "Let me handle that", Kaoru said, looking at Sugizo, his gaze resolute. "10 seconds or I'm in.", Sugizo permitted. Kaoru indicated a nod and turned back to Taiji, who had until then been looking from one to the other confused and gave him a firm shove back into the apartment. "Hey, don't you dare touch me you filthy whore! What the heck is going on here?". Without any answer Kaoru stepped over the threshold, kicking the door shut behind himself. At first there was only Taiji's angry swearing audible outside, then the clicking of heels. The further the clicking went the more unsure grew the swearing until it turned into frantic pleading as the sliding of metal could be heard. A horrified scream from Taiji, a short condescending laugh from Kaoru, a swoosh, the sound of splatter, then silence. Barely a second later the door swung open, showing a blood splattered, panting Kaoru heavily leaning against the door frame, an odd grin plastered on his face, his strangely twinkling eyes piercing Sugizo's. A satisfied grin spread on Sugizo's face as he walked up to him praised his child, "Good boy. Well done.". Arms greeted him, as he pressed Kaoru's body against the frame, one leg separating his, tongue darting out to lick a few bloodstains away. "I'm gonna take you... now... right here... in front of his corpse... and I want you... to let the whole world... hear... how you enjoy.. being mine...", Sugizo whispered to Kaoru's ear before letting his tongue travel down his neck, tightly pressing his hips to Kaoru's. Kaoru's eyes were closed, lips slight parted, breath heavy and irregular and he shivered from Sugizo's erotic caresses. He trusted Sugizo and spinelessly gave himself with an eager nod. The grin on Sugizo's face spread further and he claimed Kaoru's mouth in a hard demanding kiss. The kisses deepened, grew more and more passionate, hands teasing skin through cloth before pushing, ripping it away, tongues and nails becoming the tools for sweet torture. Sugizo's hands had already vanished under Kaoru's skirt for quite some time, spoiling him, as Kaoru's hand wandered down, nervously fiddling open Sugizo's zipper, delicate hand sliding in, cupping the proud manhood, massaging. Quietly moaning Sugizo moved into his hand for a while until he slapped it away, throwing a certain gaze at Kaoru, who understood immediately. Laying his arms around Sugizo's shoulder for support Kaoru wrapped his legs around Sugizo's waist, allowing him to position himself. As Sugizo slid into him with a deep, hard thrust Kaoru let out a loud, lustful scream, tightly clutching to him. The rhythm was slow but hard and the feeling it created was so intense that sounds of pleasure freely spilled from Kaoru's lips, just like that, making him flush with embarrassment. Even though he knew he won't stand a chance Kaoru still tried to muffle his moans until Sugizo's lips on his neck whispered his voice raspy, "Don't hold back, let me hear you.". This very same moment Sugizo hit Kaoru's spot, who cried out, arching his back. Now it was completely over with him holding back. "Motto! Onegai!", Kaoru whimpered between a series of moaning, clawing to Sugizo's shoulders, trying to press against him. This request was fulfilled as Sugizo sped up, though without loosing a bit of intensity. Kaoru grew louder and louder as Sugizo's movements became wilder and wilder, his body tensing up to an almost impossible degree, until he screamed out in ecstasy, pressing Sugizo as close as possible, accepting his last violent thrust and the hot fluid being spilled inside him.   
For a while they stayed like this, united, leaning against each other, panting, until Kaoru's exhausted body wasn't able to cling to Sugizo's any longer and slowly slid to the floor. Hugging him tightly against himself so that he won't drop to the ground Sugizo allowed Kaoru's legs to loosen around his waist. Then he turned a bit letting himself sink back to sit on the stairs with Kaoru on his lap. Stroking wet hair out of Kaoru's face, locking eyes with him he asked gently, "How do you feel?". Drowning in Sugizo's eyes Kaoru whispered, honestly, "I... don't know... a little... odd...". Sugizo nodded, slightly smiling and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Now you're fully a vampire, Kaoru, I'm proud of you". Kaoru smiled back, blushing a little, eyes moving to the floor for a moment feeling slightly awkward. "Arigatou gozaimasu", Kaoru replied. Sugizo's smile widened a bit and he pulled him up as well as he stood up. "Let's go home, it's almost morning", he suggested and Kaoru nodded. They walked hand in hand, down the streets, returning just in time before the first morning rays, their bare bodies smoothed against each other. Sugizo had fallen asleep quite soon, but Kaoru was still laying awake, observing his sleeping darling with a happy, slightly dreamy smile. Now the way to a new future was free. The past had been done and he could finally walk on. And for the first time, he wasn't alone. He now had a lover by his side.


	8. A new experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru is growing more and more secure and couragous in handling his rather cold master. The letter has his very own ways, to honour the efforts and acchievements of his new partner, that might cost him some guts to pull through, but turns out very blissfully rewarding for the both of them...

The blankets rustled, bare feet were padding across the floor, in a slow, elegant rhythm. Awoken by these soft noises Kaoru blinked carefully. What he saw made him gasp for breath. Sugizo was moving over to the bathroom in his typical fluid, almost hovering motion, without making any effort to hide his flawless body. Kaoru followed with eyes, burning from desire, as he scanned the tough muscles moving under nacre-gleaming skin. Never before had Sugizo given him the opportunity to inspect his beautiful shell in it's full extend like that. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was like a desert. His whole body was burning with desire to posses this beauty, he longed to touch him like never before. Pictures of them together, of things he'd dreamed of so often before invaded his mind. He couldn't help loosing control over his body. His fingers dug into the sheets, clutching it tightly, as if he wanted to rip them, his body was pressing to the mattress, as if it was the body he wanted it to be, his ragged breath turned to whimpers more and more, as his mind screamed for Sugizo. 'This body, this beauty, this gravity... what is it, what does it mean? I want him, I want to be with him, touch him... I long for his arms so much... please... don't ever leave me! I can't live without you anymore... Sugizo, please, let me be with you!'. 'Then why don't you just come?', Sugizo's voice suddenly echoed in his head. Kaoru shot up, panting. "Nani?", he mused out loud. Sugizo's small, amused laughter echoed within his mind, 'I mean it. If you want something just come and ask for it'. Kaoru gasped, and cradled his head in his hands. 'That can't be, I was just thinking, he can't know, he can't be saying that'. 'Oh yes I can, little one. I can read your mind, and I know what you want, so just come and get it', Sugizo's voice answered. Kaoru's eyes widened, he jumped up from the bed, just about to loose it once again. Suddenly though, the image of Sugizo under the shower, running his hands down that perfect body, appeared in his mind, bringing his earlier desire back him. Kaoru moaned out, shuddering, clawing to his arms, but he was still too confused to just be overtaken by his need. Another image hit him. He saw his arms sliding around Sugizo's body, their lips locking, bodies pressing together to move in this all too well known rhythm and heard Sugizo's voice say, in it's husky, mocking tone, "Come, come". That was too much. "Hai", Kaoru whispered. Sugizo's voice alone was enough to leave him squirming and trembling with arousal. Unable to think anymore, Kaoru stumbled forward, into the bathroom. Sugizo stood there, under the shower, his back to Kaoru, running the soap over his body. Kaoru bit his lip, fighting a whimper, as he felt a shiver running down his spine. Slowly Kaoru walked up to Sugizo and closed his arms around him, pressing close to him. Since there was no negative reaction, Kaoru was encouraged to go further. He snatched the soap right from Sugizo's hands, coating the tempting body in his arms with slow, teasing motions. He felt this soft, flawless skin, and the hard, well trained muscles under his hands, his lips touched Sugizo's neck, spoiling the sensitive flesh underneath them. Kaoru grew more and more aroused and unable to hold himself back anymore he pressed his body even closer against Sugizo's, rocking his hips against him, one hand slowly wandering down, stroking the forming erection as if to wash it, just way more intense. Purring quietly, Sugizo leaned against him, eyes closed, moving with him, obviously enjoying himself. Kaoru had lost himself in this erotic game so much that he didn't notice his own erection having slipped into Sugizo's gap, until there was a sound much like a cough from him, bringing Kaoru back onto the base of facts in no time. 'Oh god, what's he gonna do now?', Kaoru thought, paling, holding perfectly still for a moment, afraid to do anything wrong. "Did I tell you to stop?", Sugizo growled. Kaoru winced. "N-no... Gomen nasai...", he stammered, continuing his affections just as passionate, but a bit more cautiously as before. Small sighs of pleasure were audible from Sugizo's slightly parted lips and he was smoothing his body against Kaoru's in elegant motions, suggestively rubbing his backside against Kaoru's manhood. "Sugi...", Kaoru gasped, completely stunned, blushing furiously. "It's now or never", was whispered to Kaoru's ear. "Ho-hounto ni?", Kaoru breathed, still insecure of this suggestion, and received a firm nod as an answer. Taking a deep breath Kaoru slid an arm around Sugizo's waist. A suppressed moan escaped Sugizo's trembling lips as he felt Kaoru's erection enter him. Never before had Kaoru been permitted to take anyone, so this was completely new for him. Though he didn't know that it was just as new for Sugizo, who had never allowed himself to be taken until then. So it was something special for both of them, and it was perfect, as if their bodies were made for each other. Soft, cautious thrusts growing hard and rapid, more and more, soft moans turn to loud, ecstatic cries as their minds become completely distorted by the sensation of water dripping on their heated bodies. Sugizo had meanwhile fallen forward, clawing to the wall, as he he was rocking demandingly against Kaoru's hips. Kaoru for his part did everything to suppress the moans escaping his lips as he was desperately searching for his fellow's pleasure spot. Suddenly Sugizo let out an ear-piercing scream, scratching down the wall, smashing against Kaoru even harder then before. Kaoru whimpered aloud, moving harder and faster every new time, hitting the spot all over again, tightening his hand that was pleasuring Sugizo's mighty length, always adjusting perfectly to the speed and intensity of his thrusts. Even though he could barely hold it anymore Kaoru went on and on, thinking, 'He should be first this time'. Just as he'd thought that Sugizo tensed and released into Kaoru's hand screaming wildly, before he let himself sink against the wall with Kaoru still nuzzled against him. After a few seconds of catching breath for both of them, Sugizo parted from Kaoru. He turned around and got onto his knees, taking Kaoru's still throbbing length into his mouth, cosseting it with his experienced tongue. Kaoru gasped, surprised. He'd never experienced anything like that before. He got totally lost in this erotic sensation, didn't care about being quite vocal anymore, gripped the next best things to keep his legs from giving in and then he came into Sugizo's willing mouth, groaning loudly. Sugizo swallowed his seed without hesitation, cleaned him up and licked his lips, as he came back up to Kaoru again. He looked into his eyes with that intense, almost frightening look, but then he smiled. He closed the distance between them and kissed his partner passionately. "You were great. Thank you", he whispered with his voice still hoarse of lust, chasing a shiver down Kaoru's spine. Then he turned around, wrapped himself in a bathrobe and left Kaoru behind in the shower. Still overwhelmed by the completely new sensation he'd just experienced, Kaoru let himself sink to the floor, closing his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the water still falling down onto him, as he collected strength again. Strength of which he knew that he won't have for long anymore.


	9. So, what is love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugizo is confronted with an issue he's not yet ready to deal with yet, and reverts back into his old, refusiving-avoidant patterns. Something Kaoru definitely won't have, insisting on getting an explaination.   
> But then, he's suddenly the one in dire need of a good excuse and everything is changing yet again, more than one danger lingering on the doorstep...

Sugizo wrapped his bathrobe tighter around himself before he lit a cigarette with shaky fingers, taking a deep drag. He couldn't believe he'd let himself go like that. It'd only complicate things if they got too close, and that was exactly what he didn't want to happen. Kaoru was a good, naive and obedient kid, he won't grab for stars and he himself had grown cold and hard through centuries, he couldn't be shocked anymore. No more drama's, that's what he was sure to manage. But he'll be enlightened about this misjudgement pretty soon.   
The bathroom door cracked open and Kaoru strolled out, wrapping his arms around Sugizo from behind, a blissful smile on his face. "This was amazing", he sighed. Sugizo replied with a light smile, "Indeed". Cuddling against him, Kaoru moved closer, kissing his cheek. "You're a fantastic person, Sugi. You've done more for me then I could ever have imagined. Life's just wonderful for me since I know you. I wanted you to know that, and I'm so thankful for all, that I'm missing the words to describe...", Kaoru whispered gently. Sugizo softly shook his head, "No, don't be, it's ok, I know what you...". Kaoru silenced Sugizo with a finger on his lip. "I wasn't done yet", Kaoru smiled and went on, "Well, I learned a lot in this time, and I thought a lot, and I think I've learned something I thought I never would...". He locked eyes with Sugizo who seemed quite taken aback, but a little curious about Kaoru's sudden eruption of frankness. "I love you, Sugizo", Kaoru murmured, his voice low, and slightly trembling with excitement, though it was clear that he was serious about what he said. Sugizo was in utter shock. For a couple of minutes he stared at Kaoru with huge, thunderstruck eyes, his mouth slightly open as if to say something. Yes, Kaoru was very eager to get a reaction, but the reaction he got was certainly neither what he'd expected, nor what he'd hoped. Suddenly there was a change in Sugizo's eyes. They narrowed and they had this strange, lurid gleam to them. His before relaxed jaw tensed, lips turning into a thin line, as he jumped up, delivering Kaoru a good blow straight to his surprised face. Kaoru was flung heavily against the floor, hand flying to the spot where Sugizo had hit him, looking up to him from big, tear filled eyes, not daring to say or do anything. "Never talk about things you don't know anything about!", Sugizo hissed and turned around to leave, obviously agitated. "Sugi, no.. please... I'm sorry...", Kaoru cried, without success. The door swung shut behind Sugizo, and Kaoru was left, crouching on the floor, like a picture of misery, wandering what the heck he'd done wrong this time.   
Kaoru sat there for a long time, rocking himself with tears streaming down his face, mentally screaming out for Sugizo again and again, but receiving no answer.  
Sugizo had retreated to his personal living room, torn between inflaming himself with anger and trying to calm down. Restlessly he paced around the room. 'How can he say such a thing. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know how I can be. He hasn't known the meaning of love until now, so why should he suddenly understand. And he's got no clue how much love can hurt. I don't _want_ him to get this close to me. You never know what will happen. I've got enough of loosing people, I've torn enough hearts to last a whole lifetime!'. He sat down on the sofa and poured himself some whisky, slowly sipping it. 'Do I maybe want to protect him? But why would I do that? He's just a naive, little kid, a plaything. Or could there still be more?'. He definitively shook this thought off. 'No, there's nothing like that. I've been proven my inability to hold such feelings often enough, and besides, he's just a kid. A kid that's in bad need of a mentor'. He sighed. Eventually he couldn't ignore Kaoru's cries for help anymore. Actually he couldn't be blamed for his naivety, and Sugizo as his sire had the duty of teaching him about the kinks of life. 'And this I shall do now', he thought.  
'I'm downstairs', Sugizo's voice echoed in Kaoru's head, unexpectedly. He had almost given up on hearing anything from his master for the rest of the day, so the happier was he upon this calling and got up to look for him right away. 'I'm coming.... if I'll find it', Kaoru replied, leaving his room. 'You will', was Sugizo's short remark. Helplessly looking around, Kaoru stood in the corridor, desperately searching for any sign of something like a staircase. Then he remembered something. He closed his eyes and concentrated. He knew Sugizo's aura perfectly well, so he was able to feel it's location quickly. Eyes still closed, he opened a door, walked down the stairs, and down another corridor, before he stopped abruptly in front of a door. Clearly he'd been walking too fast for his weakened condition, because he felt a bit shaky and tipsy, but he was fully resolved to be with his lover. He rose his hand and knocked. "Come in", Sugizo called from inside, frowning. 'How could it be that I didn't feel him coming?', he wondered, but quickly pushed any thought away as Kaoru entered the room. He smiled weakly. "Sit down", he gestured to the opposite sofa, and purred some whisky for him as well. "Drink something", he offered. Obediently Kaoru nodded, took a seat and tried a swing of the, to him, unknown liquor. He had to suppress a cough as the strong alcohol burned down his throat, but he forced a little smile anyway and carefully set the glass down. "Sugizo, I... wanted to say... that I'm sorry... if I hurt you.. with what I said", he mumbled, insecure about how to deal with such things. Sugizo smiled and stood up. "You didn't hurt me, little one. You should just be careful with the things you say, or might wish for. Other people might misinterpret you. And besides, someone of your age should live it up instead of losing himself in illusions like that. Be realistic. No one can describe emotions, nobody can prove they exist. It's a simple thing. There's no such thing as love!", Sugizo stated, matter of factly, in a very cold, condescending way, that felt like a dagger in Kaoru's chest. Kaoru jumped up, tears in his eyes. "How can you say that! Probably you have just never met the right one for you. It was the same with me, until I met you. I've never felt anything towards anyone, but you're different. There's just something about you, that makes my heart jump, my mind play crazy and my knees go weak. Maybe _you_ don't feel that way, but I do, and I'll keep to it. I _love_ you, Sugizo, with all my heart!", Kaoru burst out, his voice cracking, but Sugizo stayed just as cold. "That's just physical", he insisted. "No it's not! I can't live without you Sugizo, don't you understand that? I love you for your gentle but deliberate and simply fascinating personality, not just for this perfect body of yours. I need you so badly, I'd go crazy if you left me! Life wouldn't be worth living anymore...", Kaoru wailed. Sugizo just shook his head, resigning. "Pathetic", he just murmured. Someday, Sugizo though, Kaoru will see for himself that love wasn't what he thought it was.   
Due to all the excitement Kaoru had grown weaker and weaker, and he felt that he won't hold on much longer. He didn't even want to hold on, he felt rejected, misunderstood, unwanted and his words just hurt so much. "S-sugi...", Kaoru weeped one last time, before fainting in front of the eyes of his horrified sire. Maybe it was better when he was gone, was the last thing he thought.  
Sugizo' eyes were wide and disbelieving as he suddenly saw his child's knees give in and the tiny body landing on the floor, without him being able to do anything. He rushed to his side immediately. "Kaoru, Kaoru? What's up? Kaoru, can you hear me? Kaoru! Come on, wake up!", he cried out, shaking the limp form, but here was no sign of life. "Oh god", Sugizo breathed, "Just what happened to him?". He inspected the body on his floor carefully. As he opened the Yukata veiling Kaoru's body he gasped in shock. It's not like he hadn't seen Kaoru naked lately, but he'd never realized, that Kaoru's body was barely more then a bundle of skin and bones, and his skin was pale enough to look really unhealthy, even for a vampire. Sugizo couldn't believe it. 'How can this be, I don't understand it. What kind of sire am I, not noticing my child refusing food, and even worse the changes in it's body. What did I just do to make him afraid of talking to me about his sorrow? It's all my fault. I'm such a horrible sire, always busy with oneself, not expecting other's weaknesses and problems. I've driven the only person into death that ever really meant something to me, that made me smile. Oh Kaoru I'm so sorry I've been so bad to you. Please, come back to me and everything will be alright. I can't lose you, Kaoru. Maybe you were right... and I... Kaoru... I think... I love you, too...'. Thousand thoughts were racing through Sugizo's mind as he wiped his tears away and dragged his claws across his wrist. 'This is the only way. I need him...', he thought, as he pressed the bleeding wrist to Kaoru's slightly opened mouth. Blood was dripping and dripping, Sugizo had almost given up, but then suddenly Kaoru opened his eyes, that were glowing eerily. He grabbed Sugizo's wrist and sucked hard. "Ahhh", Sugizo whimpered at the pain. He hadn't realized how much blood he'd lost already. "It's ok Kaoru, you can let go again", he said softly, knowing that Kaoru would be alright now, but Kaoru didn't stop. He was actually sucking even harder now. Sugizo tried to push Kaoru away, knowing that his loss of blood was slowly becoming critical, but Kaoru just sank in his teeth and clawed to Sugizo's arm even faster. Sugizo tried everything to fight the overly greedy child off, but he had no chance, for some odd reason the usually so weak Kaoru was now a lot stronger then him, so he could just give up. He felt the last of his life-fluid being drained, and a tear slid down his cheek as his image of beautifully smiling Kaoru slowly vanished into blackness as he fell into a deep slumber. 'Kaoru... live on...'.


	10. Living nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru awakes to a gruesome realisation. What had been gained, has been lost yet again, just too quickly. Yet, he doesn't allow himself too much time to recollect, the promise he'd given, his masters wish still fresh on his mind. He finds new strengh in what used to be his weakness, to finally manage the change he'd failed before...

Sugizo!“, gasping Kaoru shot up from his blackout. Shaky hands brushed cold sweat from his forehead, as his eyes scanned his surroundings, hoping it had all been only a nightmare. As he realized, that he was neither in his, nor in Sugizo's bedroom, Kaoru froze. 'No! This can't be, I must be dreaming!', he tried to suggest himself as he called for his lover with a trembling voice. Upon receiving no answer, he tried to heave himself onto his weak legs, determined to search for his sire. Barely had he managed to stand up and set one foot before another, his legs gave in again, and he tumbled to the ground, right upon Sugizo's cold, motionless body. In shock Kaoru cried out and fell back onto the floor, crawling back a little, still unable to tear his eyes from the unconscious body in front of him. As soon as Kaoru had come over the initial shock, he crawled closer, carefully observing his beloved one's face for any reaction, as he softly called out his name, his hand reaching out, to stroke pale, cold cheeks. No reaction. Frowning, Kaoru moved closer, placing a hand on Sugizo's chest, anticipating even the least sign of live, but there was nothing. „No! Sugizo!!“, Kaoru screamed giving in to the despair and pain he'd tried to fight down, sinking onto the corpse as he wept openly. „Why? Why did you save me when you knew you'd die yourself? Why didn't you just let me die? I'm not worth your life! You'd have found someone else to be happy with, but I can't. Do you hear that? I can't live without you! You were everything I had, and I killed you. Oh god, just what am I supposed to do? Sugizo, please, wake up, say something! Don't leave me!“, Kaoru sobbed, but all his pleading had no effect. The body underneath his hands was cold and stiff, no breath, no heartbeat. Sugizo was dead. Slowly Kaoru realized, that if he didn't disappear very quickly, he'd have to account for this and get sentenced to lifelong, if not even death. Then, Sugizo have died for nothing, which would surely not be in his interest. Bravely fighting the panic threatening to overtake completely, Kaoru forced himself to rise to his feet and pick up the corpse to bury it somewhere in a quiet part of the jar. But as he was about to open the door and sneak out, he imagined how it must be to lie there, meters underneath the world's surface, imprisoned by tons of earth, only accompanied by the vermin slowly disjointing your body, and he knew he just couldn't do this to his beloved sire. Instead, he turned back into the room, and gently laid Sugizo's body on the couch, arranging it, as if he'd be sleeping peacefully, beautiful as hallways, covering him with a silken blanket, before sitting down by his side. Gently, he stroked the familiar, but cold face, fresh tears finding their way down his own cheeks. „I'm so sorry. If I never came across you, this would never have happened, but I can't change it, even though I wish I could. I have to thank you for the wonderful time I had with you, and everything you did for me. I love you with all my heart, and this will never change. I hope you'll forgive me one day. Sayonara, Koibito, I'll never forget you“, Kaoru whispered, pressing a last kiss to his lovers cold lips, before rising from the couch and quickly sneaking out of the house, careful not to be seen by anyone.  
Somewhere, deep in the gethos, he sat down on the fire escape of a rundown factory and let his grief overtake him.   
Suddenly he was stuck in a life he highly despised, a life which's conditions he barely knew, without anyone to guide him. He'd lost the one and only person that ever meant something to him due to his own foolishness. And there he was. Lost, broken and damned to live in the shadows, all alone. He no longer had the possibility to die at his own will, he no longer had someone by his side, he no longer had the right to be happy. This was only, what he deserved. So his grief slowly turned into anger and hatred against himself. From now on, he'd live the lonely life of an outcast, drowning himself in whatever drug he could find to forget everything he'd felt and lived through. He had chosen to be a vampire, now he had to bear with it. This was his fate, his punishment, and he had to accept it.  
Kaoru lifted his head, resolutely whipped his tears away before he jumped up from where he was sitting and vanished into the night to devote himself to his vampiring desires.   
In this night Kaoru became the most dreaded hunter this city had ever known.


	11. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaoru finds himself back with his assumed dead love - but absolutely not in the way that he'd wanted.  
> What he had suffering emotionally in those years since that unfortunate night, Sugizo in his rage puts him through physically in the matter of hours.   
> But there's still the slight hope, that may be strong enough to suffering through it, and find a way to get all these words burning in his heart across, and knock him out of it, make him understand....

As Kaoru slowly came to, trying to open his eyes, his sight stayed completely blank. Carefully he tried to move, but immediately he felt a jolt of pain running through his nervoes system. The soft gasp that passed his lips seemed to bounce off strong, plain stone walls, echoing through an eerily quiet, huge space that smelled of dirt and, as strange as this might sound, sheer death. Sharp, biting cold seeped through his skin, making him shiver and struggle for a way to protect his body from the chill, but he couldn’t move at all, what made him notice that he was bound. Where was he? What was happening? His brain refused to grant him a single straight thought, being confronted with a sudden pang of wild panic. Furious screams tore from Kaoru’s lips, as he tugged wildly on his chains, but only succeeding in driving the metal cables deeper into his skin, which, of course resulted in even more aggression.   
Suddenly a loud, deep voice resounded within the room like thunder.  
“Enough!!!”  
Stunned for a moment, Kaoru was perfectly still, frozen with his body tensed up.  
After the first shock has passed, Kaoru sank together, hanging limply within his chains, whispering uncomprehensible words to himself with a soft voice that quivered from quiet sobs.   
A devilish smile appeared on Sugizo’s face. The view of Kaoru hanging in the chains, blindfolded, sobbing seemed so pathetic to him that he couldn’t suppress a spiteful laugh, whose creepy resound chased cold shivers down miserable Kaoru’s spine.   
No longer could he fight the bitter tears burning within his eyes, so they flowed down his pale, dirt stained cheeks in tiny silver rivers.  
“Sugizo…-sama… dou..shite…”, he whispered, having no more power to further raise his voice. “Urusai na! There’s nothing I owe you an explaination for!”, Sugizo roared.  
The whoosh of a whipp swirled swirling through the air and chased a shiver down Kaoru’s spine spine, a small sigh of sexual excitement passing his swollen, bloodies lips. Even though he'd never realized it, back in Taiji's time's he'd loved the feeling of whip smashes on his back. But this felt  
different. His moan died right in his throat from pain and shock. Completely different.  
With Taiji he'd barely felt an impact, while now he wasn't sure if his spine was still whole. Earlier he'd felt only a pleasent tingle, but now a sharp sting bit itself mercilessly into his flesh. And instead of  slightly red marks, there were now broad, red craters of broken skin tracing down Kaoru's delicate back.  
He felt Sugizo's eyes on him and the manic laughter echoed threateningly within his ears.  
Before Kaoru could even react consciously the whip crashed down on his back once again.   
There wasn't anything he could do, besides trying to stay on his feet, as not no cut his wrist with the handcuffs, while his mouth hung open in a silent scream, his eyes beneath the blindfold having frozen in a desperate look of disbelieve and grief. And again, again, again...  
Kaoru's body roared with pain, so searing even in their aftermath, that he hadn't even noticed that the whip had stopped creaking down on his back, which was by now more of a huge continuous bruise then of actual flesh. Slowly, very slowly the pain started to fade, and Kaoru took a deep breath of relieve.  
Sugizo's scent still wafted in the air, but it didn't seem to Kaoru's distorted senses, that anything besides himself would be moving in this room anymore.  
Peace, finally, peace. Some time for Kaoru to sort his thoughts and feelings, trying to realize what exactly was happening just now.  
This badly yearned for peace though was suddenly crushed by seemingly a whole shower of miniature flames piercing Kaoru's skin, driving themselves deep and deeper into his flesh, accompanied by a coarse, high scream that would freeze any living creature's heart.  
The huge pile of ice in Sugizo's bossom, though remained unmoved by those screams and he continued sprinkling near boiling wax - which Kaoru had mistaken for a rain of fire - from an overdimensional candle onto Kaoru's beautyfully smooth torso.  
Gasping between screams, Kaoru's tormented body hung heavily in the chains. The sharp metal of the cuffs was digging more and more into the delicate skin of his wrists, tiny streams of blood trickling down his arms, for he'd had no more strengh to support the weight of his whole body on nothing more then the tips of his toes. There was nothing but pain. Pain that raged so badly within his brain, that he'd lost all power over his body. A single thought raced past his wracked up brain.   
‘This wasn’t fire; it was wax…’   
Just as if someone had pulled the plug, his consciousness went down and within a second the whole world turned pitch black.  
Sugizo snorted, disgusted by this weakness, but then decided that he’d had enough for today.  
Turning on his heel he left without looking back once more.


End file.
